Snowing....

It is supposed to snow again tonight.  I cannot tell you how much I love living here.  We have great summers, beautiful falls, sparkly winters and green springs. 

So stay the f*ck out of here!  We like our Montana JUST.THE.WAY.IT.IS.  Except for a Chili's.  Bring it. Now.

(Montana was on some "best place to live" list and we only want your money while you travel through here, so go to Yellowstone National Park, Bozeman, and Cooke City)  Don't move to this awful place. 

Shitty Morning. *Warning...graphic content, read with caution.

First off, let me tell you about how awesome my morning was and how I am looking forward to running water once more at work and how I will be listening to EVERY.SINGLE.ANNOUNCEMENT. from now on.  Thank GOD you do not work with me. 

So I was talking on my cell phone, eating some breakfast and basically avoiding actual work, occupied with some very important matters when some stupid announcement was made over the intercom.  Since I was gossiping engaged in a meaningful conversation, I chose to ignore it.  Afterwards, I decided to take a satisfactory dump as I proudly had my 2300% fiber bran muffin and 14 cups of coffee that morning.  I carefully check the hallway for stand byers, turn on the electric dryers to "muffle" any sounds and get the job done.  I then pull the handle to wrap things up and one of my WORST nightmares comes true.  Nothing happens.  Nada, Zip, Zero.  I frantically jiggle the handle up and down and curse the Toilet Gods to hell.   Nothing.  I run to the sink and turn on the faucet...only to have about two drops of water plink out.  Shitballs.  Literally.  WTF???  The main water line is freak'in closed. That has to be it!  I vaguely recall a stifled, yet choppy voice earlier this morning, "water.....use restrooms.....30 minutes....." and then silence.  The announcment...damn.   Then the realization hits me.   I now have to "deal" with my left overs.  There are 3 other women that work with me.  And if there is something wrong with the water system, well, chances are the mechanics will be in to "check" on things. 

I contemplate breaking the natural gas line and starting a small explosion.  Except that I am sure there are specialized forensic scientists out there that can handle these kind of "DNA" traces. 

FBI Dude: "Hmm....by the texture, color and formation of this shit, I would say it came from a female, 5'9", probably colors her hair but it's done tastefully, needs to stop drinking so much wine and those bran muffins are way to dry"

Me: "It, uh, wasn't me."  "Don't read my blog for a couple of hours, OK?"

So I do the right thing and lay about 14 layers of toilet paper over the disturbed area, spray an entire can of hair spray throughout the ladies room and adjoining hallway, and check the water faucet every 30 seconds while standing guard in front of the bathroom, ready to tackle anyone that even looks in that direction. 

And finally, after a good half an hour of fear and mortification, I finally hear the beautiful and life saving sound of running water.  It took 4 industrial flushes to "finish" the job, but she's done.  I am now off to the gym, but have to stop off and buy another can of hair spray for the bathroom, and replace the 3 rolls of TP that I used. 

Yes, this is what the majority of my morning consisted of.  I've been through job interviews, confessionals, and funerals that were more comfortable than this.  Lesson learned.  Amen.

Ahhhh Nuts....

Have you ever had a little cold that made you want to rip your own lungs out?  Really?  Well if you want a taste of kick.your.ass.cough. come on over to my house.  I think I am actually pulling oxygen out of pure mucous, because I know there isn't any space for real atmosphere to enter into my lung space.  I officially have a compromised respiratory system. Man do I sound (and look!) really sexy.  The good thing is that no one wants to bug me because they know that with one swift sneeze in their direction, I can wipe them out. 

However, I am still going to work out during lunch.... yes, I will try to take an antibacterial shower before I go, and will clean my equipment off thoroughly.  Trust me, anyone in that gym who even hints at having a booger is mad dogged by the rest of us until we are satisfied with the disinfecting process.  I may be a disease carrier, but I certainly don't want to expose anyone else to my own personal misery....so don't try and break into my car because I personally cough and wipe my nose all over the door handles to keep hoodlums and vagrants out.  You may not get the instant gratification of seeing someone with a knife wound or a karate chop to the forehead, but the satisfaction of knowing that they will be crabby and tired and a hacking mess within a 24-36 hour time period, well, that's worth the head phones and old McDonald's toys that they stole. 

So I'll take it easy, but will still try to get some mileage in, even if the oxygen to mucous ratio is now 1 : 5,620. 

Must Read People

From my fabulous sister in law Theresa... Thanks for the motivation and the reminder:

MUST WATCH:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU

Turn up your volume, get a Kleenex.  Then join me and we WILL.DO.THIS.

New Hair Do and Icky Finger...

Coming up soon...my new hair do (think more like Kelly Clarkson and less like Mortisha Adams) and my fabulous nails, minus one funky pointer that I had to rip off a week ago.  It's disgusting and fascinating all at the same time.....

Stay tuned!

Now onto the Leftovers...

This was us after the run yesterday.  BJ Jessica and I.   It felt weird (in a good way) to drink a beer at 10 am in the morning, but it was for charity, so I did what I had to do.  I plan on putting this in the suggestion box at work for the morning break.  Anonomously, of course.  Pretty sure I would be manager of the year if I can get this implemented, so I'll keep you all posted.

Having some weird lung issues, which may or may not be related to the 428 colds I get each year (thanks to my children, the dancing petri dishes) so I'll be laying low this weekend.  Maybe I'll do some Yoga tomorrow morning and kick up the Dance moves on the Kinect.  Pics on all that definitly to follow.  I am not a Kinect spokes person of any sort, but I will tell you that the Kinect ROCKS.  Loads of fun for everyone, and the games just keep getting better. 

Had some super food with the In Laws last night, and it's my turn to cook tonight.  I LOVE to entertain, and cook and drink, so as long as I am laying low, I may as well stay busy.  Pete is the youngest of 12, so when you have the family over, it's not as though you can put throw a couple of extra potatoes in the oven.  So I'm having a ham, 20 pound turkey, salads, and sides.  Come on over and I'll let you try and diagnose my lung problems.  I'll save the phlegm from my kleenex for dissection. 

The good thing is that my body feels really strong from running/walking the 3.2 miles.  I can't wait to be able to go out and run again without having issues, but will live vicariously through those that can these next few days.  I've been creating a team of friends and family for our half marathon training, so if you want to join and connect with us...DO IT!  :-)  We'd love to have you!

And as always, remember to shop small on Saturday.  Small businesses anyway.  And if you want to gift yourself or your family to some great skin, click on the link at the right.  I thank you for it!

Follow me and join our half marathon team!  TEAM BIBS!!  Are you in?

Snots, trots, and shots...

Yes folks, this is yours truly, ready to run my 5k!  Our plan to make capes last night was foiled by beer, lasgnae, and the Xbox Kinect, lack of creativity.  So when I was woke up at 3:30 am (more on that later....achoo!  ::sniff, sniff:: cough)   I had an epiphany...and my anti age mask and robe were at the heart of it.  I was even svelt enough to double side tape my pockets together so none of my shit would fall out.  Not that that would have even of been close to an issue as my speed wasn't recording breaking or even sweat breaking.  But it was FUN!

Not sure what my time was but I am guessing somewhere in  between 30 minutes and 1.5 hours.  Did I mention that they served free beer at the finish line?  So my super sis BJ, and my cousin Jessica did the run with me. More pictures to follow.

I also have a nightmare of a cold too.  Boo Hiss.  Bring on the spiced wine and whiskey I suppose.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Trotting in a costume~

I have never pretended to be a seasoned runner, or even a "good" runner at that.  I like to run because it makes me feel good, keeps me in shape and is better for me than crack or cocaine (and slightly less expensive, so I've heard).  Why do you run (and if you don't, who do you excercise?) If you don't excercise at all, just want you to know I.AM.SO.JEALOUS.

However, reading about the Turkey Run this Thursday, kind of took me off guard.  I think of "runners" as primed athletes, dressed in really expensive under armor gear, with the sound of "Eye of the Tiger" miraculously following them around as they stretch and do those high knee kick thingys.  In my perspective, very intimidating folks to be around and even trying to join their elite-ness would be terrifying and dangerous, and I would have to drink chicken blood and learn some super cool hand shake.  And then I would be constantly worried that I am not fast enough, not good enough, and what if they thought I was weird or something?  :-/

Hmmm...I guess they are more like me and less like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV than I thought (don't you remember how serious and mean he looked?  And that ice cold blond bitch by his side.  Man, I would have dumped her ass the first time she tried to "encourage" me while sitting in a chair eating donuts...)
Because if you read the fine print, you get to wear a costume!   Eat your heart out Dolph!  It's like Halloween for grown ups and it's legal~ Plus...they are giving out pints of BEER after the run.  I can do that~  Instead of sneaking around drinking a beer after my morning run, hiding it from my husband and the neighbors, I get to bask in sweet micro brew glory, while swooshing my way around in my Super Woman running cape~!   I shoulda been doing this whole running thing a long time ago!!

Who is going to be at the Good Earth Market on Thursday morning??  What kind of costume should I wear?  If I sign up twice, do you think I will get two beer tokens?
http://www.runturkeyrun.org/

Christmas Cheers and Leers

I've been asked by some friends and family if  I am ridiculously crazy it is really a good idea to start making some lofty weight loss and running goals during the Holidays.  Not sure what your Holiday traditions are like, but around here, they involve mass quantities of libations, coupled with carbohydrate overloads.  My mom actually makes a home made Baileys Irish Cream which conveniently folds both, large amounts of liquor and high caloric/carbohydrate into one drink.  IT.IS.TO.DIE.FOR.

I personally think this is the perfect time to map out a plan for upcoming running events.  Not only does this set the stage for specific training, but most events give out "early bird" discounts.  If you are a cheapo like I am, I would buy ketchup popsicle with the right discount.  And I am making a change in my life as far as healthy eating and exercising goes, not just a dieting ploy like the first 500 times I have tried to lose weight.  But THIS time I have all of you to keep me accountable.  If I haven't posted for more than a week, send the intervention team over and pull me out of the oreo box.

Some specifics: I truly need to lose 25 pounds to once again be part of the "Normal Weight" club according to the Institute of Brilliant Weight Versus Height Versus Body Mass Scientists (aka BMI).  But I would like to lose 30.  I am not going to disclose my weight in public as I was brought up properly to not only lie about my weight at all costs, but to also secretly criticize anyone who looks like they are gaining weight at a faster rate than I am.  I will not disclose the real color of my hair either. 

So I am going to train for the Denver Half Marathon next spring!  That is a huge milestone for me, and putting it in writing makes me that much more committed.  Thank you Blogging World!

I want to thank Ms. Lorraine for complimenting me on my skin!  Yes, I do love it and it really is because of the anti age products from my Rodan + Fields.  I also started using some of the Soothe after running in the cold.  That shit can really mess your face up!  (the cold weather, not my R + F!)  So if you do want the BEST skin of your life check out my website and get your ass on a regimen people! 

https://bbushman.myrandf.com/

PS  Who's doing the Turkey Trot Thursday morning?  I know there are "Trots" all over the US and my sister, a couple of sister in laws, and cousins are all joining me!

8 Degrees of Separation

In that, my lungs almost separated from my body while running this morning, as it was a whole 8 degrees outside.   I am sure the neighbors thought I had been drinking already, and quite frankly, I really wish I had been.  Here I am starting:

I am pretty sure all professional / semi professional runners have very similar cold weather running attire.  Believe it or not, I was able to scrounge this cute little ensemble up all by myself!


After my tits froze to my sports bra I decided that maybe it was a tad too cold to be running a 3 miler (as if I am suuuch a pro...I think most "real" runners consider a 3 miler a "pussy" run, but whatever) I decided to finish at 2.5 miles and call it good.  When I got back, this is what was waiting for me:

And no, not all our kids where Oakleys, just the ones that we love the most.  (bring on the psychiatric help, once more)  He's way cuter snuggled on my lap, offering me a glass of wine, in a heated, warm house. 

Anyhow, I am GLAD I just did it.  It's so much easier to blow off a run, a phone call, or cleaning the toilets for the 6th week in a row, and once you set your mind to just do it, well shit actually happens (again, why I need to tackle the porcelain soon).

As one of my best friends and mentors would ask, "Are You All In??"  ~ Kris Vandersloot  

Well Kris, today I was all in.  Now I am off to make some phone calls.  (Toilets can wait for tomorrow, right?)

Next Up:  The skinny on my actual weight loss and self improvement goals.  I call this: The Truth With A Twist!

What are your goals?  Are you ALL IN?  If you live near the equator, can I come live with you even though I don't clean and clearly accept dirty toilets?

Disappointment

Well folks, I am actually disappointed in the weather.  You heard me right.  We were supposed to get like 248 inches of snow or something like that, which screams Chili, movies, and of course CAT/GRIZ game.  In light of trying to ATTRACT people to my blog and not piss people off, I will try to stay neutral. (FTG!)

So when I woke up this morning and see a whopping 1/2 of snow, I felt majorly let down.  Mostly because I know I feel very obligated to go running.  Damn.  So I will take a gander of my favorite blogger IN.THE.WHOLE.WORLD. to get some inspiration and I'm going to get my ass out the door and go.  Check it out:  Shut Up + Run.  Pictures to follow for all of you!

Ok, back to this.  I think the rivalry of the Cat/Griz dates back to 1832 when some bad ass Bobcat in the middle of the Rocky Mountain Divide kicked the shit out of this Grizzly bear and then it had to leave, making it's way to Lolo National Forest and start teaching liberal studies and how to poop in the woods and eat bark or something.  (pretty sure I just lost Rene....Damn it!)

Anyhoo, enough diddle daddle.  It's already 8 degrees, and my chariot of sweats, mittens, stocking hat and shoes await. 

Eeeeek! No followers?

Just wanted to add a picture of my sister, Billi Jo...She runs half marathons.  For fun.  Really?  I was kind of bitching about running on the treadmill to some co-workers, and one of them really had the nerve to say, "Keep it up Bob!  If you keep running, you will eventually get addicted to it!"  Seriously?  Of all of my addictions (wine, Bud Light, Won Tons from Jakes (Holy Hell Yeah!) crack....) I need to add running?  And do I want to be addicted to running?  Will my knees and ::gulp:: ass cheeks, suffer from all of this running crap? 

Are you addicted to running?  Are you OK with that?  Are you more attracted to my boobs, or to BJ?  (honest answers only....Oh wait....no one is even reading this!  LOL!) 

Bullys

Ok, I finally got bullied into creating a blog.  Mostly because Facebook wouldn’t let me vent, exaggerate, and cuss would only let me use like 400 characters, or something like that.  So I decided that if I were going to pull up my skirt and expose the world to the interworkings of life, why not do it publicly and drag the rest of the family with me.  I may as well.  I know that there are some damn good psychiatrists out there that need some business.

The other REAL reason I need to do this.  I also need some accountability in the ‘ol weight loss department.  Apparently, my diet the last 15 years of beer and mashed potatoes is starting to hinder my ability to not only get my jeans zipped, but to actually get them ON.  I ripped off a belt loop the other day.  $100 jeans just aren’t what they were a few years ago. 

But truly I am FAT.  Not the kind of fat that your pretend BFF (who you secretly hate because she is effortlessly thin and it has to be bulimia so you secretly rifle through all of her shit when you are at her house to try and find the bucket of shame or whatever they call it on those Lifetime movies) but like health affecting fat.  I know I have some muscle because I can still suck my stomach wayyyy in when trying to button my pants up.  However, because of the current fit, I have had to re-think the frontal coverage that my underwear are supposed to supply because regardless of how far you can suck your stomach in, you CANNOT suck in your pubic hairs.  And ladies, you zip one of those babies up in your jeans, it’s gonna pinch.  HARD.  Like pee your pants and hope to pass out soon.  

How much weight do you need lose?  How much beer do you drink after you get off the treadmill and does it matter if it is 8:30 in the morning??