I mean, I JUST did this last week. At least a version of it. I'm not as classy/put together as my friend is, so I have NO DOUBT she pulled off her look without a blink of an eye. I, however, did not. Not in the least. I wouldn't have been caught DEAD without 14 pounds of makeup in college (sans Freshman year....since I can't even remember that year, it doesn't count), my Calvin Clein jeans, and my Vanilla Fields perfume. So is it age, or do I not give a shit anymore? I don't know, but since she was brave enough to share, here's goes BIBS.
Had the day off, and knew I had nothing going on except
So when I get a phone call from the school, I was a bit surprised. Annika forgot her Thursday folder and needed me to bring it in. I threw the Cole-ster in the car, grabbed a sweater, and slid on my flip flops. At the last minute, I decide to put my sun glasses on so that no one would notice the old mascara and drooping eye liner I left on from the night before. (Cole loves me for who I am. Thank God. Even though I am sure he'll be writing about this in his journal for his psychiatrist some day.) Brilliant!! My mind kept wandering back to
So I practically drive up onto the sidewalk and run inside the door to the grade school office. I was number 4,319 in line. F*ck. Is it national "visit the school secretary and chat her ass off" day? Did I miss the memo? Is it in Annika's folder that she forgot at home? So I am waiting with a very antsy and curious 2 year old at my side. I notice that everyone else in line has on snow boots, tennis shoes, or weather-appropriate professional foot gear. I try to curl up my toes, therefore making my sockless, shoeless apparel look much less noticeable. Guessing at all of the pointing and stares, I am failing miserable at this. Either that, or they feel sorry for the little boy at my side, still in his monkey PJ's with his snow boots on. (I was *this* close to letting him go without any of that, but was not willing to admit that to the crowd that now thinks I am drunk or stoned for leaving the house in this condition)
FINALLY, it's my turn. I kind of blurb out something about Annika, folder....blah blah blah. All of the sudden, here comes the 1st grade class, around the corner from gym, and I practically shove the folder in Annika's face and try to turn tail. Of course she wants to "show me off" to her class mates (first graders are so much less judgmental than adults. One little girl actually wished her mom would let her where flip flops in the snow too. Uh, yeah...Annika's mom is sooo cool. ::blush:: ) I am now, 40 shades of hot from embarrassment, so I take off my sweatshirt and make small talk with the teacher and secretary. Not sure how long we talked, but you know the feeling when someone just isn't really "listening" to you? Both their eyes were kind of shifting to the corner of the room, the floor (maybe they are noticing my non-existent pedicure and are vowing to go naked toed through out the winter also?) to the kids...so I get the hint, politely wish them a Merry Christmas and get back to the car. As I don on my sweatshirt, I notice that my saggy, yet pointy boobs, are not only very apparent through my bra less attire, but I also have a HUGE booger on the right side of my nose. Shit. I almost felt like beating my head against the steering wheel. Oh My F*cking God. I am sure there will be some good times in the teachers lounge today. I keep checking the mail and the phone messages for Child Services, or at least someone offering to come in and help with my parenting/home life techniques.
What's your most embarrassing public moment?
Do you really shower every day? Am I THAT gross?
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